Thanks for the Gift of Life!!

Creations of the heart are blooming like flowers in the field.

The wonders of nature are entwined everywhere.

My spirit overflows. Footprints of the piper are sealed

In the pristine dunes while the echo of the wind

Unfolds whispering melodies.

Dreamland begins to roam freely...

Hear me coming as I go.

I am the wind, the trip into the mist, the sea...

Hear the echo of voices, the heartbeats of waves crushing

On the sand, as I leave my footprints on the land.

Hear the roaring thunder, for my crying is just a reminder.

Please, let the world be and set them all free!!



Wednesday, August 6, 2014

"Introduction to My Childhood Memories."

"Introduction to My Childhood Memories."
“Introduction to My Childhood Memories.”

There is an old saying, “To have a child, plant a tree, write a book, they let us reach to a certain point, a feeling of inner fulfillment that we have made a small path through it all.”
Anyway, I make plans to write my memories, if God allows, 
which may inspire or touch others in some way…
There was a feeling of sudden danger or even death which invaded my mind since my early childhood, and as far as I can remember, like virtual reality in the form of dreadful nightmares that would never end. I remember how scared I was as a child and a young girl. It's sad, because -as an adult- I still remain in that state of mind.  Perhaps, it was due to the lack of contentment and loving support on the part of my parents, who might have been busy dealing with their own mysterious world.
There was a strict discipline and obedience, or severe punishments in return. I had a feeling that my parents thought they were my owners, or I was their private investments and possessions. At least, I felt as if they would do anything they pleased with me. I truly wanted to escape from that situation –even as a child and then, as a teenager- and glimmer in the distant universe like a little star shining on my own. The inner scars from my wounded heart -as a child and teenager- would last for a lifetime. Parents should be role models to follow as best examples, like strong trees to hold their flower blossoms. In my young age, little safety I felt to fully trust anybody...
Today, I know I am wiser in my thoughts, because I was there with a worthwhile experience before. I trust nobody, but Jesus, my Lord & Savior. So, I write my memories being a senior citizen, and hold the philosophy of “Do not badly hurt your child, because she/he will be a frustrated grown up adult in no time, and might repeat the same behavior to others, or even become a criminal! Be as nice and lovely as you can be with your children, for they will always remember their childhood.”
I am not sure, but I guess my mom only wanted a baby boy. My mom told me she had aborted some of her babies before me. So, I might have been an unwanted baby girl in my mom’s heart of hearts. I was captured and trapped inside an enclosure, the shell of my body without the freedom of will.  Maybe, I engaged to act like a boy to please my mom. As an adult, I got a strong temper, especially dealing with relationships.
I bet, some of my readers have experienced these sort of feelings at a young age…
I met lots and lots of cheaters, liars, hypocrites; I did not know where they had come from.
I encountered many strange plights and predicaments wrapped in hypnotizing mystery since my childhood years, and they had gone on and on. I was completely lost! I really had no clue what was going on. I looked for answers, like “Why?” These things not only would never disappear from my mind, but also chase me as the ghosts of my nightmares.
I felt condemned like a prisoner, prosecuted and doomed as far as I can remember. In my lifetime, I have been punished, pushed to my limits, used and abused so badly without doing anything wrong, without committing any crime. Meeting the wrong people was not unusual. Staying alive was far from a blessing, but rather a punishment for being born.
Life blows were so cruel that I wished I was dead…
Despite all hardships, there was still a light at the end of the dark tunnel.
The good news is the fact that Jesus came to my rescue, held my hand, 
and never let me go.
I find no other possible explanation for staying alive in my journey of a lifetime.
Praise the Lord, Jesus for His mighty mercy!
Thanks for the Gift of Life!
Thank you in advance for viewing my posts, dear readers!
P.S.: I let you all know that I still love, miss and respect my dear mom and dad very much!
They passed away into Eternity a long time ago. I hold no resentments. I forgive them!
They did not know what they were doing. They still did so much goodness to me,
and especially to my daughter. When my parents were alive, they donated half of their bussiness to my child, and their other properties to me. I also inherited my aunts' house.
So, my daughter was able to buy her own home in New York, and she would be fine.
My true story is not the best one, but not the worst either...
After all, the good things were further more than the bad ones. Nobody is really perfect.
I still pray for my parents' souls.
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