Thanks for the Gift of Life!!

Creations of the heart are blooming like flowers in the field.

The wonders of nature are entwined everywhere.

My spirit overflows. Footprints of the piper are sealed

In the pristine dunes while the echo of the wind

Unfolds whispering melodies.

Dreamland begins to roam freely...

Hear me coming as I go.

I am the wind, the trip into the mist, the sea...

Hear the echo of voices, the heartbeats of waves crushing

On the sand, as I leave my footprints on the land.

Hear the roaring thunder, for my crying is just a reminder.

Please, let the world be and set them all free!!



Wednesday, August 6, 2014

"Introduction to My Childhood Memories."

"Introduction to My Childhood Memories."
“Introduction to My Childhood Memories.”

There is an old saying, “To have a child, plant a tree, write a book, they let us reach to a certain point, a feeling of inner fulfillment that we have made a small path through it all.”
Anyway, I make plans to write my memories, if God allows, 
which may inspire or touch others in some way…
There was a feeling of sudden danger or even death which invaded my mind since my early childhood, and as far as I can remember, like virtual reality in the form of dreadful nightmares that would never end. I remember how scared I was as a child and a young girl. It's sad, because -as an adult- I still remain in that state of mind.  Perhaps, it was due to the lack of contentment and loving support on the part of my parents, who might have been busy dealing with their own mysterious world.
There was a strict discipline and obedience, or severe punishments in return. I had a feeling that my parents thought they were my owners, or I was their private investments and possessions. At least, I felt as if they would do anything they pleased with me. I truly wanted to escape from that situation –even as a child and then, as a teenager- and glimmer in the distant universe like a little star shining on my own. The inner scars from my wounded heart -as a child and teenager- would last for a lifetime. Parents should be role models to follow as best examples, like strong trees to hold their flower blossoms. In my young age, little safety I felt to fully trust anybody...
Today, I know I am wiser in my thoughts, because I was there with a worthwhile experience before. I trust nobody, but Jesus, my Lord & Savior. So, I write my memories being a senior citizen, and hold the philosophy of “Do not badly hurt your child, because she/he will be a frustrated grown up adult in no time, and might repeat the same behavior to others, or even become a criminal! Be as nice and lovely as you can be with your children, for they will always remember their childhood.”
I am not sure, but I guess my mom only wanted a baby boy. My mom told me she had aborted some of her babies before me. So, I might have been an unwanted baby girl in my mom’s heart of hearts. I was captured and trapped inside an enclosure, the shell of my body without the freedom of will.  Maybe, I engaged to act like a boy to please my mom. As an adult, I got a strong temper, especially dealing with relationships.
I bet, some of my readers have experienced these sort of feelings at a young age…
I met lots and lots of cheaters, liars, hypocrites; I did not know where they had come from.
I encountered many strange plights and predicaments wrapped in hypnotizing mystery since my childhood years, and they had gone on and on. I was completely lost! I really had no clue what was going on. I looked for answers, like “Why?” These things not only would never disappear from my mind, but also chase me as the ghosts of my nightmares.
I felt condemned like a prisoner, prosecuted and doomed as far as I can remember. In my lifetime, I have been punished, pushed to my limits, used and abused so badly without doing anything wrong, without committing any crime. Meeting the wrong people was not unusual. Staying alive was far from a blessing, but rather a punishment for being born.
Life blows were so cruel that I wished I was dead…
Despite all hardships, there was still a light at the end of the dark tunnel.
The good news is the fact that Jesus came to my rescue, held my hand, 
and never let me go.
I find no other possible explanation for staying alive in my journey of a lifetime.
Praise the Lord, Jesus for His mighty mercy!
Thanks for the Gift of Life!
Thank you in advance for viewing my posts, dear readers!
P.S.: I let you all know that I still love, miss and respect my dear mom and dad very much!
They passed away into Eternity a long time ago. I hold no resentments. I forgive them!
They did not know what they were doing. They still did so much goodness to me,
and especially to my daughter. When my parents were alive, they donated half of their bussiness to my child, and their other properties to me. I also inherited my aunts' house.
So, my daughter was able to buy her own home in New York, and she would be fine.
My true story is not the best one, but not the worst either...
After all, the good things were further more than the bad ones. Nobody is really perfect.
I still pray for my parents' souls.
If you care to visit My Blogs, they are all listed in My Personal Profile.
Dear readers, I talk about different things in each blog. So, each one is a special treasure.
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Chatty Crone said...

I think I would like to be set free too!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I'm sorry you didn't have a happier childhood. At least you have found some happiness in other places.

Chatty Crone said...

You know I read your poem and missed your story.

I want you to know that I had a similar childhood and through blogging I have met others.

You are NOT alone.

But you can get better - you have gotten better and you will keep getting better. NEVER GIVE UP!

And you didn't carry the abuse forward - that is another great thing.

I am sorry though you had to go through it.

Mevely317 said...

Oh!, I'm so happy to read that you've forgiven your parents, Starry Dawn.
... but how my heart hurts for the little girl that was you. I sense you've felt Jesus' loving embrace on more than one occasion, assuring you it's all going to be all right. And so it is!

Starry Dawn said...

Howdy all dear friends,
Sandie, Lisa, Mevely, I love you with a friendship heart.
You are awesome blogger friends.
This post is so important to me,
because I am talking about my childhood memories...
Yes, I forgive my dear parents, and I still miss them and love them so much no matter the passing of time...
When I was a little child, I attended the same Catholic Christian School for 12 years, from Elementary to High School. Every morning, our class used to go to the Chapel for a morning Mass. I was in the children's choir singing songs of praise to the Lord. I recall memories of me -as a little child- staring at Jesus who was hanging from the Cross in the Altar with a crown of thorns, a bleeding face and body. It hurt me so badly. I used to kneel down to His feet and pray to the Lord every day. Those moments in time weren't fleeting memories. They stay on my mind and heart like a burning flame which kept me going through it all in my lifetime. I picture these thoughts as if my vessel was going adrift, and my Lord and Savior was the Lighthouse at Sea. In brief, I exchanged my cup of inner frustrations for a big bowl of positive thoughts, compassion and caring ways to reach out to those in need of a loving hand, etc.
Thank you in advance, dear super friends, for your words of support and loving ways! God bless.
Poet Starry Dawn.

Tweedles -- that's me said...

Hi Starry
Me and mommy read your beautiful poem and story..
My mommy told me her life was kinda like yours too,,,and has hurtful memories,, But she,, like you - forgave her parents that died already.
Mommy told me the paths we travel are sometimes very rugged and hard and if we fall off,, just get back on- and take a different path,,,, and it sounds like that is what you did,,,
Because you have been healed from all that sorrow,, and now you can look forward to the good things in life